I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize