so that wasnt chicken after all
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
