Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She said her name was "party"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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