just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
They took my balls.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
