Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My ATM looks so different sober.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
