i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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