Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize