Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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