No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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