I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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