Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
