I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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