Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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