woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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