How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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