Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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