he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My vagina is officially offended.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
