also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you had me at cake vodka
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
