dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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