so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
