I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
