Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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