And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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