Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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