I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
