Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
