i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My balls are so social today.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
