She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
