Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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