I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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