My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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