i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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