Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize