Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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