The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
