I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
