did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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