Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think your dad took our porno
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
