if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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