Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
These tits shall not be calmed
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize