when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize