DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
