do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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