the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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