Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
