i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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