Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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