I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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