he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
soo... how was my night?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
