My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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