and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
