it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
