turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
