just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
