Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
