My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
