Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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