Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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