Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
