Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
