That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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